| Salutations. |
[16 May 2005|11:48am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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fucken nothen |
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Ok, so its been like, shit...months since I've touched this stupid thing. Fucking trucks loads to say, but nothing really to report. I've gone through most of my schooling at BCC. I have one class left, the mother of all annoying classes, statistics. I'll be craming this lovely little class into a 6 week summer term at the local community college. From there, shit, who knows? I'm making a move, possibly. I need a fresh start. A place where I can wander free and naked. My own fucking apartment. Soon...very soon, my darlings (dry washing his hands).
On a more somber note, Nikki and I split up. Well, she did the -split-ting and I got broken -up-. I had nothing to do but accept the happenings...she is in Europe and no longer cared to be with me. I thought she might be the one for me...ya know...with it for the long haul. I would've done anything for her..to help her. Bah, fuck it. No use in blathering on about it. I'm over it now and thats that.
I will try and keep my non-readers up to date on shit. People rarely check this liveJ garbage anyways...good outlet though.
--Bailey
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| Today. |
[01 Nov 2004|12:31am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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It's Fucking Dark in Here. |
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Today has been....
...well, allow me to take a moment to reflect....
(Insert Reflection Here If Applicable) N/A
I have little left to question....and so little left to talk about. Sometimes I wish ignorance rattled within my brain. But, then I wouldn't know what I do.
I'm done.
--Bailey
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[31 Oct 2004|11:24am] |
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Lost.
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| ... |
[14 Oct 2004|02:18am] |
"...Phantoms lured me off my course; tried to kill the man I was..."
I am alone in a sea of faces. I do miss the way things were...I was not so alone then. But now I am.
We will see if I dream tonight. Hopefully the amount of alcohol I consumed will void out any funk that is welling in my subconscious.
I'm so very tired.
It has been 11 days, 13 hours, and 18 minutes.
`Bailey
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| Oi. |
[13 Oct 2004|08:45am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Torch |
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I fell asleep sitting up. Guess I was more tired than I thought. My back is fucking killing me. Heh.
Odd dream last night. (Not that I'm a church goer or anything.)A the pews were being filled to the brim. It was a lovely night-time service which was about to start. I had no idea why I was there, but I began to climb up the side toward the upper left. As I reached the top, the flooring and support beams collapsed beneath me, sending me crumbling to the ground in a heap. I gained my composure and attempted to ascend once more...the rest of it came down, people and all. Am I not meant to sit with my peers?
It's been 10 days, 19 hours, 46 minutes
Bailey-
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| ...another morning |
[02 Oct 2004|10:28am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Majesty |
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Ever wake up and not know where you were right away? That happened to me this morning. After sleeping through a movie at a friends house, I drove home, almost veered off the road due to exaughstion...finally to arrive at my bed. Twisted dreams kept me shifting through the night...I barely feel I've slept at all. Tears stain the inside of my skull, trying to force their way out....but I won't let them come. Finally I wake to find my vision blurred...not knowing where I was. I panicked and fell out of bed.
....Almost time for work.
I do hope to accomplish a bit of drinking tonight. To poison my dreams. Perhaps then they won't come.
It has been 4 days, 22 hours, and 23 minutes.
-Bailey
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| ... |
[29 Sep 2004|12:02pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Nothing. |
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....and as I sit here, I find that the silence has gone still without her. My life has cheapened in some way now that she has departed to pursue her dreams. I can only hope that this can be sought through to the end.
It has been 47 hours and 4 minutes.
-Bailey
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[13 Sep 2004|11:07pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Seabound-Torch |
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My heart is the strong arm of my feeling...
Beating..pounding..trying to get out. The crushing depths of emotion is lost within the ringing in my ears and the alcohol on my lips.
I'm so very tired..I dream of fire.
The light which shone so bright has dimmed and faded into anger and near resentment. I despise myself for it. The giver has given what cannot be revoked. Nothing done can be undone...or it would never have been -done-.
I no longer wish to apply to that which has no will for me.
-Bailey
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| Fuck! |
[12 May 2004|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Dead Starrs--Covenant |
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Ok. Im getting tired of the shit I don't want in my head their all the time. I've got too many questions and not enough fucking answers. Im so tired all the time and for no reason. It happened again. Last night I dreamt of someone I did not want to dream of. It was even more vivid than before.
Other thoughts creep into my mind often. Thoughts I'd rather keep out. But the facts remain, I'll have to face them sooner or later. The anticipation of the utter crushing depth of emotion sucks.
Someone once asked me, "Where's my fucking salt lick?"
--Bailey
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| Another Sleepless Night... |
[22 Apr 2004|12:20pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
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Another sleepless night for me. Last night I had a dream about someone I cared not to dream of anymore. And when I woke in a sweat, hoping it was over...I was plunged back into the same dream, right where it left off. This happened at least 3 times during the night; I almost slept through class this morning I was so tired.
I cannot wait to find something new. To get out of this town and this simple rut I have locked in for myself. School ends this Fall for me...hopefully that will mark a new beginning as well.
I'm tired.
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| Long time... |
[16 Mar 2004|09:37am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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It's been a while. Well, not much has changed. I'm still in school, which is a miracle, and I'm stuck in a dead-end mediocre job. Yes, friends, that's right! I'm wading around in a cesspool of customer complaints and bosses breathing down my neck...tipical.
I have, however, met a wonderful person. We have been seeing each other for 7 months now and things are good. Wells that sprang from the hopelessness within have begun to dry up. I will have to get back to you later...when my mind isn't too fatigued.(Too fucking early in the morning).
--Bailey
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[29 Sep 2003|01:00am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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Coming Home--CruxShadows |
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This phrase can apply to so many things right now:"If I'd hold my breath for you, I'd probably suffocate."
Yes friends, thats right...No matter what you have in life it can still blow chunks..Its how you shape your chunks that makes you happy.
Yeah, so i got my lip pierced today. A ring on each side. Its pretty swollen. I expected as much.
Went to a few parties this weekend and I didnt get drunk at either of them. I think Im ill? Anyways, Im going to try and get some shut-eye. It is likely I will either be up all night due to insomnia orrrr Ill get trapt in a state of tortured sleep while nightmares rage on in my skull.
--The Fallen
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[26 Sep 2003|01:46pm] |
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mood |
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apathetic |
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music |
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CruxShadows--Coming Home |
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I haven't updated the journal in some time. I'll start by saying things are a lot calmer since I've disconnected from things on certain levels.
I did not want to wake the other day. I was having a dream I thought was so real. I was happy for that short time. Reality melted the illusion and faded happiness to contentment.
I've never forgotten one thing; I am alone. All I can do is smile.
Another thing I should add, if you don't have the Winterborn EP by Crux Shadows you need to get it! If you want a sample, Ill send you a song, just lemme know.
I'm going to veg now.
--The Fallen
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[24 Aug 2003|12:42am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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Silence |
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Sometimes a healthy shout will work wonders for you. So, "AHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" See?
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[22 Aug 2003|03:39pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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No More you |
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Ahh..been a few days since Ive updated this thing. So I thought I'd take some time while I have some time to do it.
The morning of my granny's b-day the statue of St. Anthony flew off the wall by its own accord. That was a little freaky in and of itself. I didnt feel right about the house ever since then. There is a story behind it which most of you know.
August party turned into 'Drama' party. People were crying, annoyed, frustrated, confused, drunk, and puking. Fun.
I know I didnt have fun. I have been finding it hard to hang out with Laura and have a good time because of other issues. Not too much I want to divulge here on the public forum of my life. I just wanted something low stress and maintenance seeing as how Im a bit busy with work and school. I dont really have time to devote to anyone else. Especially in a relationship. It wouldnt be fair to the person.
I dont really know what Im doing tonight. Supposed to be hanging out with people. But we'll see how it works out. Ill probably go out and do something.
Im going to miami this week to hang with Brian. My friend needs me.
Good Day,
--The Fallen
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[12 Aug 2003|05:39pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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Crux Shadows(Various) |
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Last night was fun. I hung out with the usual crew and actually had a bit of fun.(Shawn, Marisa, Will, Rachel, Danielle, Laura and Myself.) We were gonna go to the coffee shop. But, to our bitter suprise, it was closed for renovation. So we went to Denny's instead. There most everyone ate food. Will and I talked about Star Wars until it was clear it was annoying everyone..then we just kept our voices down..haha. Sorry. SHawn, Will, and I split a sampler three ways. I think they skimped out on their usual portions and the service sucked. I was less than pleased. One of the waitresses even gave me a look of death...twice. All because I asked for some honey mustard sauce? heh. After that we made our way back to the cars, talked a bit then headed home. Shawn hung out at my house for a while and we watched the Ultimate fighting Championships...heh..This poor bastard got hit face pounded in by a guy that out weighed him by 31 pounds. After it was over I passed out.
Work wasnt bad today...finally finished training. To get certified we had to take a 3 hour test. My brain was so fried after that. I thought the questions were going to be cake but they were actually challenging. I sort of enjoyed that. After the test a few of us took a much needed break and had a few smokes..Then it was time to take calls..woo. Between me and my class mate we took 3 calls lol. It took us an hour to handle 3 measely calls. Why?...Not because we didnt know what we were doing...but because customers are a bitch. They want the impossible and are willing to pay. And if that doesnt help..prepare to be bitched out.
--The Fallen
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[11 Aug 2003|07:18am] |
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mood |
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restless |
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Silence |
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Good morning.
To the contrary other's might be believing, the post before last isnt meant for a reaction. I needed to vent and so I have. I no longer care for any of my bitchings. I havent the time to worry any longer.
--The Fallen
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[10 Aug 2003|11:11pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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Im still listening to the voices inside my head. |
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On a more eventful note.
Two night ago was the last party at Marisa and Laura's house. It was alright. I wasnt really in the mood to drink. For a few reasons...1, I was generally annoyed at the fact that someone might have gone. 2, someone was going that I didnt like. 3, the feeling of me not liking someone who was coming became mutual with about three guests. 4, I just wanted to sit in quiet with my drink and ponder with some friends. Not a flock of loud and obnoxious individuals. There was a lot of moving around that night. I finally got tired of it and went into Laura's room where I passed out. 'Perhaps there,'I thought,'I would find the momentary solitude with my friends that I wanted.'...I woke a little after 5am and sat up. Something drove me to sit up and I dont know what. I let it go and fell asleep a few hours later. The phone began to ring at about 7am..Joy. Then the door bell shortly there-after. I went to sleep for a few more hours and finally got up and left around 945am. Home atlast, it was time to go pay my college tuition. Later that night Laura came over to watch a movie..shawn was supposed to hang out with us too but broke our plans to do something else. I chalk it up with the occasions. Laura and I ended up getting tired so it was an early night. I passed out and awoke.
Today I didnt do much of anything. Slept mostly. What else do you do when your depressed?..Fuck around on your computer, listen to music, and sleep. I went over to Laura's house to watch this shark thing on discovery. Shawn showed up and didnt even say hi. *Puts up another hatch mark* He then tells me he hung out with Marisa, Ernie, and Sara. You can imagine the initial feeling I got. (Insert your own guesses here) I dont care. I did. But I dont anymore. I got annoyed rather quickly and left. Good night.
--The Fallen
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